In this paradigm-shifting book, Gary Smalley unravels the DNA of relationships: we are made for three great relationships—with God, others, and ourselves—and all relationships involve choice. Gary exposes a destructive relationship dance that characterizes nearly every relationship conflict, and he offers five new dance steps that will revolutionize relationships.
The DNA of Relationships, the cornerstone book in Gary Smalley's relationship campaign, will revolutionize your marriage, family, friendships, and work relationships. With helpful and practical solutions, this book shows readers who are struggling in their marriage the steps to take to strengthen and rebuild their relationship.
After years of research, the DNA of Relationships is the most fundamentally important discovery we've made on achieving the relationships of your dreams! In this series, relationship experts Dr. Gary Smalley and his son Dr. Michael Smalley show how we are designed for three satisfying relationships: with God, others, and ourselves. In this paradigm-shifting book, Gary Smalley unravels the DNA of relationships: we are made for three great relationshipswith God, others, and ourselvesand all relationships involve choice.
With helpful and practical solutions, this book shows readers who are struggling in their marriage the steps to take to strengthen and rebuild their relationship. Filled with humorous anecdotes, this valuable resource, by focusing on key elements, provides parents with practical steps for achieving a rewarding relationship with their teenage son or daughter and creating a safe atmosphere for Without them, how will we know what to do?
Building, Renewing. Smalley helps lead marriage seminars around the world and, together with his wife, Erin, does intensive Skip to content.
When we express genuine interest in people rather than judge them, relationships have a better chance of growing. Would others describe you as negative, pessimistic, or judgmental? Or would they describe you as positive, optimistic and unconditionally loving? Value differences. When we value our differences rather than make them the focus of our conflict, we create safety.
Make a list of the differences between you and someone you struggle with relationally. Be trustworthy. When we are trustworthy with others, we dedicate ourselves to treating them as the valuable and vulnerable people that they are. When we are trustworthy with ourselves, we act in ways consistent with our own value and vulnerability.
Next to each point you listed above, express the value of that difference and how it can be used to strengthen the relationship. What words would you use to describe your physical health right now? Self-care is essential to all relationships. If you don't take care of yourself, you will have nothing to give to a relationship.
The only way you have something to offer a relationship is to make sure you are caring for yourself. We must love God above all and love others as we love ourselves.
This great commandment indicates that we can love others only as we love ourselves. When we take care of our whole selves--spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically--we set ourselves up for healthy relationships. Why does loving ourselves sound selfish? Your emotions are your information system. Your emotions inform you about what you are feeling. What are your emotions telling you about your pace of life at this moment?
Listen to your emotions. Identify your emotions, and evaluate whether or not they are true. Identify some negative emotions you may have as a direct result of negative thinking. What type of actions are your thoughts producing at home, at work, with family and friends? Self-care is not selfish.
Taking good care of yourself is one of the best things you can do for your family, friends, and coworkers. Is your relationship with yourself healthy? Do you value yourself as God does? Write down three ways in which you can choose to honor God by honoring yourself. Good self-care involves receiving, attending, and giving.
You need to receive from others, attend to your legitimate needs, and give to others out of your fullness. Do you take enough time out for yourself? If not, list 2 or 3 activities you can cut out to free up some time.
What roadblocks might you encounter in freeing up this time? How will you handle them? You can release your stress and find peace by:?
Reducing expectations. Receiving everything that happens as filtered by God. Using every stressful experience as an opportunity to worship God. Resting in God, listening quietly, and asking him what he's telling you to do.
Are your thoughts true as recorded in Scripture about trials, gossip, the view of yourself, Gods love, all circumstances and other things that happen to you?
Chapter 7 Emotional Communication: Listen with the Heart My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry James According to this passage, what 2 steps should we take to slow down our quick response or anger? Listen beyond the words to the feelings. People generally feel more understood, cared for, and connected when the communication focuses on their emotions and feelings rather than merely on their words or thoughts.
When listening, do you find yourself asking questions to gain deeper insight? Or is your focus on you, thinking about the next point you can make? The real message is often the emotion behind the words. When you listen with your heart and listen for the heart of the other person, you show that you care. When we find ourselves disagreeing with someone, what steps can we take to become better listeners?
Try saying statements like, Let me see if Im hearing you right or So what I hear you saying is. Allow others' emotions to touch you. People feel loved when they know you truly understand their feelings. When someone is sharing with you, how do you respond to let them know youre getting what theyre saying?
Effective communication is a dynamic process of discovery that maintains energy in the relationship. When you see communication as a dynamic process of discovery rather than one of solving problems, you often solve the problems by default. Do deep conversations tend to wear you out?
In a couple of sentences, explain your feelings during times of intense conversation? Effective Communication starts with safety. When you listen rather than judge or correct, you create a safe environment for understanding to blossom. What relationships could benefit from your quest for understanding rather than problem-solving?
Communication is understanding, not determining who's right. Your relationships will thrive if your priority is understanding the other person. When you find yourself in an argument, what is your goal? Is your goal to win, or be right? Or is your goal unity and harmony? Chapter 8 - Teamwork: Adopt a No-Losers Policy Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Philippians MSG What have you done this week to assure your spouse that you are on the same team? How about your co-workers? Adopt a no-losers policy. When one person in a relationship loses, everyone loses. A no-losers policy works toward mutual understanding and a win-win.
Make a list of the most common disagreements you experience in your most cherished relationships. Write down both points of view. Then write a one sentence explanation as to why one opinion is better than the other.
Winning is finding a solution both people feel good about. Winning is not compromise but a true sense of win-win. Would you say that you work hard to see the issue from both sides? In healthy relationships, everyone wins. If we see relationships as teamwork, we can commit ourselves to working on cooperative strategies. With the list youve just finished, explore options and allow for room on both sides.
Seven steps to win-win solutions: Step 1: Establish a no-losers policy. Step 2: Listen to how the other feels. Step 3: Ask God for his opinion.
Step 4: Brainstorm about a win-win solution. Step 5: Select a win-win solution. Step 6: Implement your solution. Step 7: Evaluate and rework your solution if necessary. We at the Smalley Relationship Center and Smalley Marriage Institute are committed to serving you and equipping you as relationship champions. Look for these relationships resources:.
Find resources, articles and much more information at our website: www. Gary and Michael Smalley Find our schedule at: www. Greg Smalley. Greg Smalley and Robert Bob Paul run the Smalley Marriage Institute, which offers marriage intensives for couples who need the care of a relational emergency room.
Couples come to the marriage intensives with broken and failed marriages. They are often ready to divorce the next week. Greg and Bob help these couples get to the heart of their differences and heal their wounds. These marriage intensives forge lasting behavior changeand The Marriage You Always Dreamed Of and another upcoming book will offer you what they have learned over years of counseling distressed couples.
Consider starting a marriage relationship revolution by inviting other couples into your home and leading a couples small group that studies The Marriage You Always Dreamed Of.
To learn more, visit www. Relationship Resources for Young Singles If you find yourself naturally hanging out with singles, God may be calling you to invest in their lives.
Be proactive. Dont let them establish www. Check out Michael and Amy Smalleys Dont Date Naked put on the armor of God for straight talk about relationships between guys and girls. Available Now!
0コメント